she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
