I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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