i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
