Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

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(703): View more from Virginia

I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

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(607): View more from New York

Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.

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(707): View more from California

The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends

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(808): View more from Hawaii

At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I wish I could just hang out in ERs.

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(406): View more from Montana

I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.

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(616): View more from Michigan

She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.

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