I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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