you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
