i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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