I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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