he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
