My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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