Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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