The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
no you cant smoke seaweed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
