My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
