You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
