They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
