I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize