Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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