Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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