I feel like I'm in dance class right now
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
