remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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