if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
