I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
