just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
