the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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