Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
