no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
