I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
