Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
