Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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