Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
