i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
