I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
