hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
