remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
