Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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