My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I supernannyed him into submission
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
