Three words: puerto rican gang bang
babies were throwing up all over the place
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
