there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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