can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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