just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
