you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize