how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
