i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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