she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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