He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
