I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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