I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
