i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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