You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
