I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize