Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
