Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize