As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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