I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
