she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
