Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
