she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
