You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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