I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
