How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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