All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
