i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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