so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
