i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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