my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
