I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
