you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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