I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
