Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
