i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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