I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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