how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
