Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
