You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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