After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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