I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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