The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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