we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
