i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
