I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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